Stop Lying To People. They're Not Perfect Just As They Are
“Oh, honey. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect just the way you are.”
How many times have you heard this bit of well-meaning commentary? I can almost guarantee you’ve heard it at least once. Probably more.
It’s something we often tell someone after someone else has criticized them, probably demanding they change some aspect of who they are.
Like I said, it’s well-meaning. It’s also generally wrong.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Someone demanding you change for them is generally bad news and you should run fast and far from such people.
However, you’re not perfect. You’re not even close.
Don’t fret. None of us are. We’re all a combination of coping mechanisms, hidden trauma, bad advice, and a host of other issues balled up with some redeeming qualities as well, sprinkled with a self-image that often doesn’t reflect who we actually are and presented as if we’re a fully-adapted human being.
You’re not unique in this.
People, however, can work to find these flaws and address them. It’s even healthy to do so.
But people have gotten it into their heads that they actually are perfect just the way they are and that any reason they’re asked to change is a total attack on who they are.
A prime example is the so-called fat acceptance movement.
Now I happen to think that discriminating against someone because of their weight is generally stupid. I say generally because there are exceptions. A fat personal trainer, for example, may not be someone you want working in your fitness facility. Granted, even there, we can find exceptions. For example, a World’s Strongest Man competitor may have a substantial gut, but I’d hire him to train folks.
That’s where the fat acceptance movement started.
Since then, though, they’ve got past “treat me like a person” and into “treat me like a goddess.”
They don’t see their weight as something to address, despite the mountains of scientific evidence saying otherwise.
Why? Because they’re perfect just the way they are.
People have bought into it and now, rather than searching within to find their own flaws and less desirable traits, they just demand the world conform to them and who they think they are.
So, these people muddle through life, never achieving what they could have achieved, all because they bought into the notion there’s nothing they should even consider doing to be a tad bit better.
Instead, they want the world to conform to them.
Well, I hate to break it to them, but the world cares not for your feelings. It doesn’t matter how loudly you protest “fatphobia,” Brad Pitt isn’t going to hook up with you.
The fat acceptance movement isn’t the only place this happens. There are people who even think the blind shouldn’t be treated so they can see because blindness, in their mind, isn’t some kind of flaw.
Easy to say when you can see.
Folks, humans are flawed. Pretending otherwise is idiotic. So how about we stop saying someone isn’t flawed just to comfort them with lies? Instead, maybe tell them they’re better off without the jerk in their life and maybe leave it there. Or at least point out that anyone demanding change is only interested in their own desires, not the desires of their partner.
There are better ways to do it than to perpetuate the notion that people can even be perfect.
But if we put in the work, we can get a hell of a lot closer.